My journey with Amy, taught me a few things.

In the general scheme of things, I reckon I am just an ordinary kind of bloke, a get the job done, kind of person, who is mostly reliable and authentic.

There have been times however when I have felt fairly obscure and of no great value to anyone or anything. I think I wouldn't be alone in this, even if most would not want to admit it. But to be unrecognised, unknown and even inconspicuous, may for some, just be too much to bare, especially for  those who desire fame or status, who might be on that journey.

I will also confess there have also been times when I have felt like I have something to offer and have some level of significance or value to the organisation I minister within.

Who is it that determines whether you are obscure ? or whether you are significant ?

It got me thinking, why do we search for significance ? Why do we want to be noticed ? Why do we need others to recognise us ? What are we trying to achieve ?

  

One of the key things I have learned  whilst on my journey with Amy (see my last blog entry) is that life is temporary at best, and fragile, very very fragile.  Here today and gone tomorrow. So why do we fuss about over silly insignificant matters or trying to out-do someone else ?

I doubt that many of us want to be unknown, or forgotten, or even neglected or abandoned, but what if by being obscure we actually were significant ?

I read this quote today and it's really good:

  

                               "Whatever your past has been, your future is still spotless ".  

I don't know who quoted it, but I kind of like to think it might be a Christian quote, you can forget about everything you have ever done, the future is still being written and it presently is as pure as snow and it can stay that way by the choices we each make along the way.

As I sat with Amy and her family over these past weeks, my life gained some healthy perspective.

Love, deep love...

Care, deep care...

Helplessness..

Hope...

and even sorrow.                                                  All of these things bring influence upon one another.

My future is still being written, I am not finished yet, I have work still to do... I have made some shocking choices in my life that I cannot go back and erase from my history.  They are now there,  and in some cases have caused great hurt to not only myself but to others close to me... I cant change that, and you cant change it about yourself either.

But we can take another shot.  we can start over, we can change the trajectory of our life journey by doing something that the bible says, about  " transforming our mind " ... take a read of the verse as it comes from Romans...

Transformation, - being made like Christ in our thoughts and actions and preparing ourselves in readiness for the day when we will meet Jesus face to face.

For those who have already gone before us, thay dont suffer like we who are left behind suffer... with our hurt and pain and feelings of loss, 

NO..they dance, they sing and they are in a far better place than us, a significant place.,

with a significant God who is not obscure in any way shape or form.

we may not understand why things happen the way they do, and I am one of the first to admit that  I have some questions for God about some of the stuff that happens here on earth...

But in the mean time, I am praying that in my personal search for significance, that I may find it in Him completely, even if it means me being obscure on the earth.

the words of John are still true:

He must become greater, I must become less.

(John 3:30)

 

 

What I have learned in the last 6 weeks.

Do you ever sit back and wonder what just happened ? 

Sometimes I do... these past 6 weeks have been a bit of a blur for me as an Officer in The Salvation Army, and in this blog I am going to attempt to share my feelings and thoughts about the events of the past few weeks.

Over my 20 years of Officer ministry, it feels a little like each year has given me challenges that have characterized the year... I am not going to list them out here, but suffice to say, I have been through some pretty hairy stuff in the past 20 years.

I have been through various significant events that have affected me and changed me and I will never be the same again as result of those specific events in those years.

This year it was a young girl from UK and her most amazing family.

I received an email message from an Officer friend in UK, asking me to go and visit her and her boyfriend at the hospital.  She had been in an horrific accident and was in ICU and needed support. 

As did her boyfriend.  And her family.

I reckon I did what any Army Officer would have done.  I prayed and supported and got myself involved in this event which changed my life.

I don't want to go into too much detail here for the privacy of those involved, but just to say this event changed me, challenged me and in some ways, and made me question my faith.

One of my huge challenges was the agony of seemingly unanswered prayers, vs the fact that you dont get what you ask of God at times. 

Now don't get me wrong, I believe that God answers prayer every single time, but you would be foolish to think you are going to get things your way every single time you ask it.

I know full well, that Gods ways are different and higher to our ways.  But that doesn't make it any easier when you are praying for a miracle and a miracle the way you hope, simply doesn't come.

The conflict inside your being when you grapple with disease, sickness, injury and pain... and all the good people telling you what you should do and how you should pray, is quite difficult.

But I really truly believe that there is no simple ritual, or phrase to say, that is going to twist Gods arm your way. It comes down to the fact that you pray, and others pray, - and that is our part in the process. The rest is up to sovereign God.

If it wasn't, then God wouldn't be sovereign at all, would He ?

I must say, never before in my Christian ministry have I ever seen the swell of prayers across the world occur like it did in this case. 

Perhaps God was teaching us all something about our desperation in prayer, in just this single event of 3000 plus people praying for a single cause, all united across the entire Army World and even beyond it, I was gob smacked by what was happening .

Never have I been a part of something as large as the thousands joining in and standing in unity with such a tragic situation all asking God for a miracle.

And yet our miracle didn't come the way we asked. 

And still, I cant help but feel that a miracle did occur anyway.   

Maybe one we simply cant comprehend just yet.

Friends I am certain, that there are no secret formulas, no special rituals, no real "thing" we can do... but pray. 

Why is that so hard for us ?  Praying that is.... ?

Perhaps its because when we do pray, things don't always go the way we want.  

So we tend to lose confidence in praying, we lose faith, we lose hope, we lose sight of God.

For me its been tough going, but not as tough as for this precious brave family who I have grown to love and respect, and will feel very very sad when they return home.  

For I think we are united together now, with some kind of love bond that exists between us.

We were strangers 2 months ago, but now.... connected in some strange and yet supernatural way that surpasses human understanding.  Perhaps that's one of those miracles.

And so here is something of what I have learned about myself during this tragic time.

I am called by God to be His servant. No matter what .

I am called and positioned by God for His glory, not my own.

I am not always going to be pleased with the outcomes.

I am called to pray and to stand and to love and to care and support others.

I am called to "be".... but I am also a threat and therefore under attack most of the time.

Sometimes I fall short of my calling to "be".

My words mean something, sometimes to some people. Not all the time, but sometimes.

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In a world that sometimes makes you  feel like you are a nobody,  God sees us as a somebody.

I think there are people who seek to find their way in the world by trampling over others to get where they think they need/want to go, not worrying at all about how they treat others in that process. Overlooking and ignoring, even rejecting some, so that their own selfish agenda is achieved.

It doesn't feel very good to feel like a nobody. It is a hurtful place to be at times, yet in the middle of the mess, the gentle still voice of God whispers to us each...

" I don't view you that way "..... " I know your pain, I know what you feel, I know your mistakes, your  feeling of inadequacy, rejection and loneliness and I care about you more than you will ever know,and more than anyone else will ever know "

God calls His people to rest in Him, even if we don't fully get it about what is happening around us, to us, within us, and through us.

Am I a nobody ? maybe ! 

But in Gods eyes I am a somebody ! and I know He loves me

and so are you. He loves you also. No matter what.

here are some simple bible truths to remind us....

 " Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity ". ( 1 Timothy 4:12)

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Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope(rest) in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.
(Isaiah 40)

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                “ Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest " 

                                                                                                                  (Matthew 11: 28)

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