The Battle Between My Ears.

What are we listening to ?      What are we hearing ?      What's going on in between our ears ?

Recently I have been fighting a pretty big battle inside my head.  

Whilst it is incredibly personal, this battle, I believe there are some principles we each can learn, maybe from what I am working through. 

If you never have faced inner turmoil, or conflict of values and beliefs, if you have never struggled for meaning and purpose, then maybe you would be wasting your time reading this blog entry.

The battle has caused me to feel a number of things in my mindset which I am not going to share here as I am not looking for some kind of sympathy from anyone. Neither am i trying to manipulate any situation or person.

So what does one do, when things don't add up in your mind ? When what you believe, is challenged ? When your values are tested ?  When everything you have ever thought about yourself and your life is seemingly lost in “translation” ?

Today, a close pastor friend of mine sent me a note…. Well a prophecy, spoken into my heart and mind and then put in writing for me.

This is what was spoken to me:

“Yesterday in my devotion time I was reading Genesis 39, in the story of Joseph at the point in time where he has reached Potiphar’s house (an Egyptian officer of Pharoah, the captain of the guard therefore powerful in the culture and city of Egypt).  Reading from Gen 39:2  The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. ³ When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, ⁴ Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. ⁵ From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the Lord was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field.

 

The Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house and over all that he hadfor Joseph’s sake. 

This reminded me how God uses both those who follow Him and those who don’t for His good purposes.

It reminds me that God is in the midst of culture, of the secular, of the worldly for He made the world and everything in it.

It reminds me that God is with you wherever we are placed, and the preceding story of Joseph beaten, imprisoned and forgotten was not the end of the story. Greater things are coming.

I think it can be really hard, when a word of hope is spoken over a person who feels hopeless.

Maybe that tells you too much, but it’s true isnt it ? When a person is low and another person speaks high ideals, it’s hard to actually believe in a new reality.

Yet I want to believe…. Don’t you ?

Anyway while I was working my way through this….the words I have spoken before flooded back into my being and mindset…. God says: “I am El Roi”  the God who sees you.  (Who sees me)

The God Who knows my battle and struggle (and yours)

And as such the battle between my ears became even more real…there is a battle for my mind, for my whole being in fact.  

Being a Christian is a costly thing, it is free, but there is no promise of a smooth easy road …maybe that’s why so many people turn away from Jesus.     Maybe.

A few questions remain in how do we respond to the battle for our mind ? For our heart ?

Who or what will actually win the battle ?

I am pretty sure that’s a personal choice…who do you want to win ? Hope ? Or Hopelessness ?

Truth ? Or deception ? God ? Or yourself ? 

And the battle continues…. I think maybe for the rest of our lives …. Maybe !?

Will I choose blessing ? Like Joseph ? Choosing faithfulness to Jesus over popularity with those around me ? Will I choose the Lordship Of Jesus over my own feelings right now ? Or do my feelings align with Jesus’ way for my life ?

I think my story…is to be continued….  

What about you ?

I dont know if this blog entry makes any sense or not, it’s just how and what I am feeling about my life these days.

Thanks for taking a moment to read it.

They Shall Come….

I was born a Salvo and I will probably always have Salvo - yellow red and blue, flowing through my blood. However at this stage of my life I am worshipping and working in an amazing church in Victoria, Maybe one of the largest churches in Australia right now. And it is helping me in so many ways.

Today it was the strangest thing, God spoke to my heart, well He has been for a few days now about ministry  and who I am….and today as Shelley preached, my heart was touched again and this old (1986) Song came flooding into my heart and mind. 

 The words of this song have spoken to me for years and then out of the blue here they come again…

The song written by a General in The Salvation Army for one of the musicals that was produced a number of years ago, has caught the attention of Salvos for decades  and in the middle of a Pentecostal church God spoke the truth to me again.

The song words are:

1. They shall come from the east, they shall

come from the west,

And sit down in the Kingdom of God;

Both the rich and the poor, the despised, the

distressed,

They’ll sit down in the Kingdom of God.

And none will ask what they have been

Provided that their robes are clean;

They shall come from the east, they shall

come from the west,

And sit down in the Kingdom of God.

2. They shall come from the east, they shall

come from the west,

And sit down in the Kingdom of God;

To be met by their Father and welcomed and

blessed,

And sit down in the Kingdom of God.

The black, the white, the dark, the fair,

Your colour will not matter there;

They shall come from the east, they shall

come from the west,

And sit down in the Kingdom of God.

3. They shall come from the east, they shall

come from the west,

And sit down in the Kingdom of God;

Out of great tribulation to triumph and rest

They’ll sit down in the Kingdom of God.

From every tribe and every race,

All men as brothers shall embrace;

They shall come from the east, they shall

come from the west.

And sit down in the Kingdom of God.

John Gowans (General)

CityLife church is exactly this.. people from every race, age and gender attend this church. It is outstanding and some of my very good friends now, in this church, call Australia “home” now, when it is not necessarily their country of origin.

in Gods eyes we are all the same. And in Gods future this is what it looks like.

That we should all as brothers and sisters, embrace and be counted as one family. 

The family of God, regardless of what church we attend, what colour our skin is, what clothes we wear, or style of worship we prefer. 

All people as brothers and sisters shall embrace.

That’s the Kingdom of God in a nutshell.

Shelley preached today (an amazing message )about the theatre’s or arena’s and idols in our lives. I guess my theatre, my arena is right here…. Does everyone agree with what I post in my blog ? I doubt it and some have been fairly critical over the years, but still this blog has had over 96,000 hits over the past years and as such, I have spoken my mind on a lot of matters and a lot of people have read it .

  

And I want my readers to know, that I am sold out on Jesus. That He is my King and my Lord and regardless of whether anyone agree’s with me or not I will not be silent and I will keep being who I am and who I was called to be, a messenger of Hope, a messenger of Jesus.

I look at  the world right now, and see conflict, violence and suffering, I see injustice and pain… I see struggle and hardship, and I still know and believe that Jesus Christ is the Hope of the world and that His Church is the vehicle to bring this hope and promise right into the middle of the mess.

Is it any worse now than it has been before ? 

Or is it that we are just hearing more about it now than ever before ? 

I am not sure… 

But I do know this, that one day, people will gather and embrace and hope will be returned and peace will rule once again. Our skin colour wont matter, and neither will anything else …with Jesus as Lord and our eyes set upon Him, 

He is our God.

Out of Great struggle we will arise and our joy will not be able to be measured.

I was distressed today to hear of the persecution and criticism that some Pastors have to wear. I recognise it, I have had my fair share over the years, often from people who have no real idea at all and hardly any experience in doing what you (I) have done as a Pastor …Officer, Preacher.

So today ..I feel energized, pumped up and ready to go again in whatever God has for me to do next. 

We have amazing people leading this church, Chloe led us today in worship, and she is outstanding as a worship leader, in my opinion…  she always blesses me with her singing and obvious heart for Jesus.

Clem hosted our service and helped us to be focused. Clem is half the reason why I am working at this church right now. Such a good man, who I respect and value highly.

So whatever is next… I am ready !!! (Justsayin)

Hitting the Bullseye.

 

A few months back I read this quote, “that it is never the fault of the target when an archer misses the bullseye, it is always the fault of the archer, and that they need to adjust themselves to hit the target etc:”

It raised a whole pile of thoughts for me…. Thoughts of target practice, whether the target was in the right place to start with, whether it is actually the wrong target in the first place, whether the archer was focused enough …had their technique correct, I am sure you get the gist of what I am thinking.

In my life there have been times when I have had targets in  my line of sight.  I have had targets set for me, we call them goals, or benchmarks or results. Sometimes, it has occurred to me that my targets were unachievable. 

Other times throughout my ministry life, in excess of 30 years, these targets have been, not only unrealistic, but also contrary to what we should have been aiming for in the first place. 

Targets are set based on a whole pile of expectations and issues facing an organisation or system, even in our personal life we set goals, resolutions, hopes and dreams that may be far fetched and or never able to be obtained. 

In every situation and organisation I have worked in  goals, objectives (targets) are in place. Sometimes like the whole world will crumble if I don't achieve it.

However, the analogy still rings true….if your goal, target is nothing, then that is exactly what you will hit.

So what does one do when the pressure is on to perform or hit a bullseye every single time ? 

I have a few thoughts on that also..

1. Make sure the target is in the right position.

2. Do everything you can to hit the bullseye. (Training, strategy, mini steps along the way etc)

3. Ready, Aim….and Fire.   (Prepare, focus and shoot for the bullseye )

Understanding you will never ever hit the target if you don’t actually do something to try and do so.

As we start a brand new year, it’s like a blank canvas…  a target that hasn’t had any shots yet against it.

However, will we arrive at December 2026 and wonder what happened in the past year that moved so fast that we don't know where it even went ? Did we even set any Goals ? Plans ? Strategies ?  Were the ones set for us actually doable ?  Did we shoot and fall short ? And if we did fall short, were we positioned correctly to even be able to achieve ?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Throughout my life I have shot and fallen short, I have moved my personal targets any number of times, changed the way I shoot and missed it all completely .  Haven't you as well ?

Have you ever woken up and wondered where your life went ?  Wondering if this is what it was supposed to be like ?

I have. 

Maybe even more so lately. 

Approaching the final years of my life I have been thinking did I miss something ? Did I have the wrong target in position ? Did I give it my best shot ? Was I ever useful in any process anyway ?

Some of those questions I have good answers for, I did give it my very best shot…. yes I really did.  

I certainly hit some targets along the way, and missed a few as well. There were times, in hindsight, that the targets set would never be achievable ….it was pie in the sky for someone who set them ….but I gave it a shot anyway.

So…am I all washed up now ? Is there anything left in me ? Am I of any worth or value to anyone or anything, anymore ?  

I don’t want to end my working/ministry life feeling defeated and useless….I still have energy and wisdom enough left in me, as well as experience and skills, that can be used to hit a new target.

So do you .

The real question now, for me, and maybe also for you…. Will I get my position right and shoot once more for an achievable target ?

I plan to aim for that !!! And take the steps to get into position once again, and then go for it, once more.

Bless you this day and your new year 2026.

Silent Night….Merry Christmas everyone.

 

There is this one Christmas Carol that gets me every single time I hear it. I am not 100% sure of the reason why it gets me, but it just does. I find myself with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat everytime. It happened again yesterday when I was watching the Christmas Carol  show in Melbourne city.

I remember a few years ago, I was out with The Ringwood Salvo Band…caroling. We would often speak with the neighbors while the band played carols in their street.

I remember speaking with this one family who were doing it tough  and up the street the band played this beautiful carol.  I became overwhelmed as I walked back down the path moving to the next house. 

Perhaps it’s the words, or the tune, or most likely the deep deep truth of the story that the song speaks about.

Christ the Saviour is born….and we remember and celebrate that every year…and for some of us, every day of our lives.

Whatever Christmas 2025 brings to you…I pray that you will remember the truth of Christmas and that Jesus came to this earth for us all…and also,  specifically for you.

This year may have bought you pain and confusion…it may have been a hard year, it may have been unsettling or even wonderful. But no matter what it has bought you…. Please allow me to remind you of the fact that some 2000 years ago God sent Jesus …His one and only Son, to provide a way for us all to be in relationship with God Himself, and  to have hope for  the future.

So Merry Christmas…and a safe and happy new year in 2026.

Here are the words….for you if you dont know them….

Silent night, holy night!
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child.
Holy Infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace. 

Verse 2
Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight.
Glories stream from heaven afar,
Heavenly hosts sing Hallelujah,
Christ the Savior is born!
Christ the Savior is born! 

Verse 3
Silent night, holy night!
Son of God, love's pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth. 

Verse 4
Silent night, holy night!
Wondrous star, lend thy light;
With the angels let us sing,
Alleluia to our King;
Christ the Savior is born,
Christ the Savior is born! 

Traumatic events.

I am sitting here, contemplating the ridiculous events at Bondi this weekend. It is so difficult to imagine that people can do this to each other. It’s horrid. 

I have some very dear Jewish friends in Melbourne who do not deserve to be treated in such ways as this. 

It is appalling.

It rushed a whole pile of mixed feelings and memories of an event some 30 years ago where I also was confronted with such tragedy as this.

So what do we do ? 

I am angry, as probably many of us are in Australia. This is not our country. 

Firstly, let us try to find ways to support one another.  If you are struggling, then reach out for support, a  counselor, a pastor, a friend. Call lifeline, or a helpline and talk it out, don’t stuff it in and think that it will just go away, we need each other in times like these.

One of the biggest helps I  have found over the years  especially around traumatic events, is to seek debriefing… to seek out that support.  I am here for you if you want to chat with me, (it doesn't need to be me though ) but if you do want to chat with me, just send me a note or a phone call and I would be happy to chat and listen to your heart as we try to find hope in hopelessness. To seek peace in the middle of conflict. If you cant find anyone else, please don't hesitate to make contact with me.

I heard some great advice for us all…. Whilst we must not forget or diminish the tragic events…. Try to look for the good. Look to those who jumped in to help others, the ones who opened up their homes to shelter others, those who were brave to tackle the evil, those who helped others…. Look for the true spirit of our nation. Those who stepped up  …. And we must never surrender to the evil that rises around us.

A lot of people criticize our emergency workers …we would be lost without them.  Thank them for their great sacrifice and work. When  I was the chaplain at Ambulance Victoria  there were often people criticizing the paramedics…..until they themselves needed a paramedic and an ambulance.  Why don't we seek to support instead of criticize ?  See a cop ? Thank them for the risk they take everyday.

The world would be a much better place if we encouraged more and criticized less.

And whilst I am not a trauma counselor, I have seen and experienced my fare share of trauma and I know that often a listening ear, an appropriate hug, crying with others, often helps ….just to sit in silence with another person, to be “present” and not “absent”…..is often a valuable help to those who are struggling.

Sometimes no words are necessary.

If you are struggling… as we all possibly are right now, don't try to do it alone. 

We could all do better if we stand together and remain true to our Australian values. And if you are a Christ Follower, to our Christian values.

And as we approach Christmas, a time of good will and peace on earth, my prayer is that we will find and share good will to one another, and share peace with each other.

In Hebrew, the word “Shalom” is translated as well being, to be well and in good health, wholeness, completeness, soundness, health, safety and prosperity. It has an ancient, powerful and complex sense of meaning, and if ever we needed shalom peace in our world, in our nation…it is right now.

I pray that whatever you are feeling today, that you might know the Shalom peace that God can give us each.

2025, not a year I expected.

Sitting in on our weekly staff devotional meeting today, I was challenged and got to thinking about what this year has brought into my life. What I have carried in my life and what do I still carry.

I ended 2024 with high hopes for 2025, I was still working at Ambulance Victoria and doing my level best to assist the staff…as the Senior Chaplain for AV I found it a huge privilege to walk alongside those amazing people.

I respect them highly.

After Christmas we joined our friends for a holiday in Singapore and it was superb. It feels a long time ago, but it was truly a great time. (Picture above is from the Gardens by the Bay )

It was a good start to my year.

Once returning to work I discovered a whole gamut of issues at AV that made it near impossible for me to remain employed in an environment that was challenging my core values for faith and in being a chaplain. So I needed to and chose to  resign.

I was unemployed for a period of time and wondered what my future looked like.  I still wonder.

So along came CityLife church and an opportunity presented before me to take up a 12 month contract in assisting the volunteer teams at the Knox campus.  

I am 6 months in and have enjoyed the experience of working with these wonderful people and making some new friends. 

I will forever be thankful for that, however, it is not what I thought my life would look like and it is not what I expected for 2025.

So what now ?  What will 2026 bring ?

Once leaving AV, and knowing it was the right thing to do, I felt a whole mixture of emotions…feelings of failure, loss, confusion, loneliness as well as defeat, but also a knowledge that it was right for my heart to remain true to my inner convictions. 

This mornings message was about the things we carry and can become a burden, and I reckon I have carried my fare share of burden in 2025 and it’s personal, very personal. In fact the moment I try to explain it I feel quite silly really. So I end up stuffing it deep down inside myself. 

Do you ever do that ?       Or is it just me. ?

It’s not helpful really to carry burdens that Jesus said we should give to Him.  And yet I still do that, I take scripture where Jesus said “come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest”

I read it, have preached it and understand it, but doing it ? Thats a whole different ball game. (Lol) 🤪

I want 2026 to be a year of release and balance… for it to be a year of freedom from my inner failures and fears and concerns.

Doesn’t everyone want freedom and peace ? 

Doesn’t everyone want hope and a life enjoyed ? 

to be fulfilled and to just feel “right “ within themselves ?

well I do. 

So I am starting to make my 2026 plans and they will be plans to fulfill some dreams and to live out my year with intention and purpose and hope and ….. it may not look like it has in 2025.

so what about you ?

Around the end of the first phase of Covid, I heard this song from Michael W Smith and in a world of pain and hurt and bewilderment, it did offer a help…a voice to speak of the pain that I carried, and sometimes still do carry.  Maybe you carry pain and confusion as well, not knowing what each day will bring in your life. Maybe you feel alone, unnoticed, undervalued and forgotten.

Well maybe these words might help you …..might lift you as they have done for me quite a few times.

you can listen to the song by clicking on this link…

https://youtu.be/gfpkCbq0tGs?si=9hkpxKAmd4DtoEn0

And here are the words so you can reflect on them while you listen.

Sometimes the pain felt like a hallow in my chest
Sometimes I struggle just to take another step
All I could see was shadows looming up ahead
Will we find some peace in the end

Through all the fear and doubt, we long for better days
And in our hopelessness we tried to find our way
Yet in the strife we saw a glimmer through the haze
Even in the sorrow we can still believe

This lonely heart will sing again
These barren lungs will breathe again
Through suffering we're stronger
In the palm of His hand
Like a beacon in the night
Hope illuminates the sky
Reaching for each other
And as we carry on
We are keepers of the light

We now remember who we are and how to live
To love with open arms, to heal and to forgive
And we'll keep shining like a city on a hill
Even in the sorrow, we can still believe

This lonely heart will sing again
These barren lungs will breathe again
Through suffering we're stronger
In the palm of His hand
Like a beacon in the night
Hope illuminates the sky
Reaching for each other
And as we carry on
We are keepers of the light

Our lonely hearts will sing again
Our barren lungs will breathe again
Together we are stronger
And as we carry on
We are keepers of
Keepers of the light
We'll make it through the night

If you are bewildered by what 2025 gave you, and have felt a little lost and hurting… then maybe, just maybe a good reminder for you…as it also is for me, that God has not finished with us yet. That He loves us, He knows us, He cares for us …

for me, for you.

Bless you today.