ICO 8 - The Lessons of ICO ( Final)

It's all over, ( well nearly )..... just a bible study and the final ceremonies...and that is it for session 224.

I can barely believe it. AND actually in some ways I am quite sad.

Now before I get too far into this blog, I am happy to be catching up with Jules and being reunited and then travelling home, I love my family and miss them more than words can express. So..let's be clear about that, but I am going to miss this experience and the new friendships I have formed.

every night at the end of our ICO progran we would share in what we called the "Tunnocks Lounge", these were amazing nights of bonding and chatting and recounting the days activities, laughing often til we could laugh no more.... eating Tunnocks chocolates, drinking coffee, and just being around each other. This was very very good. and I will miss it. (more than words can say)

Lesson 1: I havent laughed as much as this in years, perhaps I had forgotten how to laugh ? Maybe... it certainly feels like I havent laughed very much in recent years. This has caused something in me to be broken. And it feels good. I need to laugh a lot more than I do. (maybe you do too)

the classroom stuff for me ...personally, I am glad its over... not because the teaching was bad, or the lecturers were "OFF", but because I am unable..incapable, of absorbing anymore into my brain. Its full. My head is full, my heart is full.

Lesson 2: I have gained some very clear insights into my future, I am better equipped than before. I had become depleted and had lost motivation and drive. This has changed. I sense change is in the air, for me..and the new found energy and passion will fuel that for many years to come. I have also gained some new disciplines and skills to enable me to be more proactive in what I do and where I do it. This is also very good.

It's very easy to play the blame game, you know..you most likely do it, as I have I. But we tend to try and find someone else to blame for the shortcomings in our lives. If things dont go well, we look for some one to hang that on. We can often not take responsibility for our own actions or failures,or weakness. Even now, some who are reading my blog here will be quick to say, you are right Gary, you got it wrong here or there... and I think I did, You might be right. However, I have also learned some key aspects about this Blame Game stuff and where it leaves us when we start blaming others for something we could have rectified ourselves. If we had the guts enough to stand up and be counted and made the choice to become a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem, then most likely things may have changed quicker.

Lesson 3: Own up to my weaknesses and failures and look to others to assist in the gap areas. AND stop blaming everyone or anyone else for the problems. I choose to stand up and be counted. AND in fact, I want my next stage of my officership to count more than the first 20 years or so. And even if someone doesnt trust me, believe in me, respect me, or think that I am capable of what I have been asked to do...I will still do what The Lord God has asked of me to do. And who He asked me to be. It's not an option to not do so.

I am fearful of losing ground when I return. I dont want t go back to where I used to be. I am new. Things in my mind and heart are new. I have turned some big corners here at Sunbury Court. I am not the same as when I arrived. I have mates and supports in my life that were not there before. I have travelled a very lonely road for a very long time, and thought I was surviving... but I was barely making it, its a wonder I didnt cave in way before now. But I have some key people in my life now, who I know have accepted me as I am, and walked and talked with me for 6 weeks now and I have them as supports and they have me.God doesn't expect us to be islands.

Lesson 4: Allow these trusted people to continue the journey and make sure that ongoing support is in place more than before. This will be difficult with time differences, but it is crucial to ongoing health and viability for me as a leader. ( and maybe for them as well)

I have valued what God has been doing in my heart and mind. My mates have helped me in that. As has the College Staff. But today it occurred to me, that I dont think I can take anymore. I am full up. I have asked God in prayer for many things and I now expect to see those answers. I expect to see miracles happen in my family and in my ministry and my personal life. I have been reminded of what God started in me many years ago, how He equipped me with spiritual gifts to do the task in His Kingdom, and I have become aware of new gifts in my life that I never knew had changed.

(this next bit is not a boast, but a statement of my faith)

I have been through many experiences in ministry that most havent. I have faced death in massacres, in close ministry colleagues and in children that should have never died. Doing their funerals was more difficult than anyone can imagine.

I planted a church and stuck at it for 12 years while it grew slowly year by year. I learned how to lead, even the hard way...I have made countless mistakes along the way, and seen what it is to trust, but I have also seen what it is to not trust. I have sat in teams that grew and stretched me and they grew and were stretched as well. I have had some fantastic ministry friends long the way, and yet I have also learned that Jesus is the key person that we must depend upon.

I have led a strong Salvo youth ministry, 8 years in fact... it was huge in my younger years for shaping my values.

I am not a young inexperienced leader, I am the oldest leader/delegate here at ICO224. I am not stupid. I know what I am doing. God is using me and has better plans for my life still. I do still believe that the very best ministry days in my life are still ahead of me and I intend to claim them and live them out to the best of my ability.

So as I sign off on these ICO blogs.... I am going to miss this place. I love London and I could live here easily. I will never forget this experience. It has changed me forever. I will never be the same again.

I will never forget the people who made up session 224. we are now being written into the history books of this place, no doubt some of these people will become Commissioners and senior Army leaders in the world. and when they do... the Salvation Army world will be in good safe hands. They are Godly leaders with tremendous hearts and love. They are true, sincere and faithful Godly people.

and God has not finished with us in TSA yet.

and God has not finished with me just yet.

My best days are still waiting to be lived out.

(maybe yours too)

and Finally, I doubt that I will ever be able to sing the song:

"They shall come from the east and from the west " ever again without crying very deeply inside my soul.

(that' s a very long deep personal story for another day)

When we all get to heaven what a joy it will be to sit down together in the Kingdom of heaven at the feet of our God and bask in His glory forever more.

Cant wait for that day.

 

 

 

 

 

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ICO 7 - Vulnerability and Opposition

There is nothing like being away from home and your Ministry appointment to gain perspective and insight. I know God called me, its just that He never told me just how difficult ministry would actually be, especially when opposition comes to the cause that God called you to. - And to the way in which He hardwired me and created me. You know, my inner most thoughts and ideas and ways, and dreams and hopes and vision.

Now in fairness to Him, if we all knew just how tough it could become, there's a pretty good chance many of us would never have signed up in the first place. Truth be known, I may not have.

It raises many questions in my mind.... some of which have no answers really.

Opposition from within the movement vs opposition from outside of the movement ?

Being true to the Call, true to yourself even if there are some terrified of you and the way you lead and the character you have ?

Is it fair ? No.

Is it true ? Yes.

One of my key goals is being addressed in these last couple of days and that is all about criticism, opposition, and how I handle that in my own personal life. Which leads me to write this blog today.

Being vulnerable to some is seen as weakness, but God doesnt see it that way.

Being vulnerable, or being open and transparent can be easily mistaken for weakness or a flaw in your character, yet.... Christ Himself was vulnerable to the point of death to the critics of His day. To those He Opposed and those who opposed Him, it led to death.... but nevertheless ...faithful He was to be.

I love what God is doing inside my heart and mind. I am aware of things changing in me, and around me, I am aware of a very deep call back to some truths that I have held for years in my spirit, but was snuffed out a few years ago, and I allowed that to happen.

I am also greatly aware that things as they are, cannot stay the way they are, and if that makes others feel nervous, sorry. Change is inevitable and in my life and ministry, it is required.

I dont know how far the changes will go, or how deep or how wide, but I know that change is in the air for me.

I will embrace it. Search for it. Pray for it.

AND I will be obedient to Jesus in my life, whatever that means.

Being vulnerable means, for me, kind of just opening up myself to others and to God.

To allow yourself to be seen and perhaps observed as weak or a failure is not welcomed by all, for some, maybe many, want to put up a facade of - " I'm Ok, but deep down I am shatterred ". you know appearing to have it all together when just beneath the surface of their being it is falling apart.

Well friends... and others.... I am weak.

I am totally dependent upon the Lord Jesus. And learning to be even more so.

He is my strength. My Light and my hope and I will be obedient to Him whatever that actually means.

I have long way to travel on my journey as a Christ follower, and I am humbled and grateful that God has never given up on me amidst my failure, weakness and mistakes.

In ICO God has given to me people around me who have journeyed with me over these past weeks. we have shared in each others lives, laughed together, cried together, and shared some very intimate and deeply personal moments with each other. ( Thanks guys ) we have talked over our ministries, our personal lives, our families, our failures, our mistakes, our hopes and our dreams... we have shared the stuff that gets under our skin and why, and we have prayed together about these things.

God has given me (us) a gift. It is called ICO, and I will never be the same again.

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there have been some pretty interesting defining moments as well...

let me give a few:

- (the bus driver on the way home from Coventry Cathedral ) :)

- David and Ann and The South American contingent showing us how to dance. ( sorry no video )

- Tunnocks lounge

.......

- and of course... Edgardo singing in Spanish.... and I am serious about this one... I have never been more moved by a man of God as I have by this awesome man.

 

Blessings....

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ICO 6 - Listening, My very public confession.

Today we were taken on this very short journey by Major Widiawati Tampai (ICO Staff Officer) all about listening prayer.

Now I know about listening to God, I try to do that.

And before you cast judgement on this blog, - do you personally listen to God enough ?

NO.. do You ?

So....Here's a confession, I dont listen to God enough.

I am choosing to change that right now !

As we sat and contemplated the words of Widi today, good solid words, that one might expect to hear in a place like this, I became aware again of Gods voice speaking into my spirit.

Now line that up with the book I am currently reading "Simplify" by Bill Hybels, and a few things are screaming at me about my private spiritual and personal life.

I get it !!!!

and feel like saying to God you dont have to yell....

but then some of us yell at Him all the time when we are praying dont we ?

when things dont go our way ?

when we dont get what we want ?

I think sometimes I have been guilty of thinking God must be deaf or something and cant hear me unless I yell at Him, (well stop ranting... ......... )

He is quietly yelling at me.

and I hear Him and feel called again to sit down with Him and just stop and listen, and in these next few days I will get plenty of time to do that, while we have a 24 hour prayer and fasting time.

....................................................

The ICO experience is one of great privilege, and blessing and I feel myself changing deeply on the inside, I sense again an excitement in my ministry calling that I had allowed to be snuffed out. (stupid)

I am awakening to a new desire to serve God.

I am sensing change, maybe not just in me, but in those around me also, at my church, my family and my friends here... and also a sense of things not remaining the same in my little world.

The truth is that if I keep doing what I have been doing then I will keep getting what I have already got ( from FB today).... but think about it, if we are not hearing God anymore, is it He who has stopped speaking or us who have stopped listening ?

If we are losing in life, failing at every stumbling block,perhaps we need to find a detour around the blockage, to change things up, find a new road to travel, set a new GPS destination.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes that life is the "same old same old " ? well its never going to be any different if we keep doing the same old things the same old ways.

(Well DERRRRR !!!!!!, spoken with attitude !)

If our spiritual life is dead and boring, lost power, lost focus, doubt God, lacking in zeal, lacking in passion...it isnt God who has changed my friends...it is us.

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I confess today that I am not the best Officer on the planet.

I confess today that I am a sinner. That I have been saved by Jesus Christ. (It is still, all about Him)

I confess today, that I have made mistakes, that I am imperfect.

I confess today that Jesus Christ is My Lord,and once again I choose to serve Him for the rest of my days.

I give Him my heart, my life and my abilities, and ideas, and thoughts, and relationships, my desires, my hopes, my limited skill....

and I know this one thing.....

YES, He requires one thing only of us... it is our availability !

and it is not determined upon ability, but upon availablity - our time, our energy, our being.

AND I HAVE PLENTY OF THAT TO GIVE.

No one can question, or criticize a persons availability, they may try and criticize our ability or talent or skill or lack of it... but God sees our heart and looks for our soul motive. In that area, I am free and I win and I am loaded with opportunity and possibility.

Because He has my heart and I am His.

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Finally, can I say I am homesick ?

in each ICO session, each Zone around the world presents a session on our zone.

For me it is SPEA. (South Pacific East Asia )

and in our prep today, we just looked at a video of Australia. " I am, you are, we are Australian ", and I miss my country and my family, enormously.

will be home soon.... and oh what a day it will be.... just catching up with my family. I love them so much. they accept me for who I am, they know who I am, we have done life together for years, we have laughed our heads off together, and we have cried our hearts out together... they accept me warts and all ( and I have a few).... they support me, and hold me, they love me.

there is nothing like, being loved by someone.

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so... I am gonna go do some listening... and hear what my master and Lord is saying into my heart for the next stage of my life...

and friends,

the next stage of our life, is the most important.

 

I dont know what the future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

 

 

 

 

 

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