ON the Edge !!!

I feel like I am on the edge.

Not the edge of a cliff, or tall building about to fall off, but on the edge of something bigger and better in my life .

It's not the best feeling, because its neither here nor there.

Have you ever felt it ?

You know the feeling that if something doesnt happen you could fail or fall, or worse still, start living in a rut of mundane-ness ? and yet, if something does happen, you may or may not be able to handle it, but it sure looks better than what you currently are doing.

Well I feel like I am on the edge of something better than what I personally experience right now. It's a kind of spiritual thing, but also a deeply personal thing. Its a sense that I cannot remain in the situation I am in, but also that I have no control ( In some ways) about what should or could happen next.

I want to get off the edge and into the "new thing", but there is still this nagging doubt, this feeling of the fear of the unknown, a fear of failure, a fear of the " What if's ? ".

The edge is safe. Because, it is, neither here nor there.

It's safe, because in some ways it's what we know.

It's safe, but it is also boring, it is also holding us back from the potential that is still locked up inside us.

We will never reach our potential while we stand on the edge looking in.

Imagine this: It's a hot day, really hot....you find yourself at the ocean, the crystal blue water beckons you to come and cool off and be refreshed and energized. You stand on the edge, one toe in the water, you can feel it...its beautiful... but the rest of you stands on the sand, wondering...fearful that the colder water will shock your body.....and so there we stand, on the edge of what we need and will do us good and restore and revive us, and we pause.... we dont run head on into the cool waters of revival on a hot day, but we pause, and some of us .....just simply walk away.

well, In some ways thats how I feel... do I jump in ? or do I walk away ? Do I get fully immersed, or do i just dabble a toe ?

Do I allow the waters to roll over me, or do I succumb to the temptation to withdraw and walk away defeated once again ? Staying safe ? Living what I already know, rather than what best thing lays ahead ?

Living on the edge isnt always the best way to live. Living in anticipation or knowing that something big for your life is just there, but not quite there at the same time.

For me it is sensing that if I will take the step, then I will start to walk or swim in a whole new realm, a whole new lifestyle, a whole new ministry, the old habits dropping off, the old fears and hurts and "damage" being left on the edge as I embrace the "new".

Why do we hesitate ? what are we so afraid of ? why wont we embrace the possibilities ? why wont we let go of the past ? why do we allow our habits to control us ? why do we keep returning to the mistakes of before ? why do we turn our backs on the potential just waiting to be unlocked inside us ?

I dont really know all the answers to those questions, if I did, I may not be standing on the edge.

 

Here's my last thought about this.

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I want to run and jump head on into the possibilities and potential that God has for me, He has spoken clearly into my spirit this morning, that I in fact, really am standing on the edge looking at all that could be, but yet isnt in my life and ministry.

It's easy for me to say to God, take me there.

But the stupidity of that prayer for me, is.. it's not up to Him to take me there, it's up to me to take the step and get in where He has invited me to go.

He is waiting for me to get fully immersed in His invitation, not to just dabble a toe in the Spirits waters... but to allow my whole body, mind and soul, to be drenched in HIM and His call to the deep waters of His Power and purpose and potential and possibilities for my life.

I really want to. But still I stand on the edge, just one toe in... maybe today I will get my feet in, and then my legs, and be up to my knees in Him, and then allow the waves to roll over me, from head to toe. or toe to head....

I dont know what my future holds... what God has planned for my life,

but one thing I surely know,

I am weak, but He is strong.

He is trustworthy, even when I have failed Him.

He is the one who will hold us on the other side of the edge.

My best days of ministry and life itself, are still waiting to be written in history.

 

But first ?

get off the edge !

 

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Self View ?

I havent blogged for some time, actually since ICO finished, so it's time again to share my opinions and feelings and beliefs about life and what is going on myself and around me these days.

I have discovered a lot of new things about myself over the past weeks and months, some of which is quite challenging... these things include these 3 hot topics in my life right now:

1. My own personal self view.... how I view myself, and sometimes how I compare myself with others. (which is not a good thing to do by the way) But I am pretty sure we have all been guilty of that at one time or another. So, here are some of the things I have learned about myself: (a) sometimes I view myself as inferior to others, you know, worse than, or less smart or less attractive (lol) or other things... (b) I have also worked out that sometimes I am wrong and right in my own self estimation. (c) OK, I am not the smartest, most best looking bloke that ever walked the planet, but I am fearfully and wonderfuuly made, God created me to be me, He has skilled me in areas that others are not skilled in, that neither makes me better or worse than others. I am changing in this area of my life. And it feels more natural for me to recognise who I actually am and how God has wired me, rather than what I perceive others may or may not perceive in me or of me. And actually when I stand up and feel and think that, something else seems to change in my communication and demeanor and character. (it's not a bad place to be at in life)

 

2. I have new Spiritual Gifts. ... at ICO I was doing an elective that I had no idea why I chose..and it was all around gifting. I discovered my gifts have changed. After 20 years of Officer ministry I guess anything is possible, but it happened and when I discovered that, it put my self view and self understanding into a bit of a spin. I am still working that out what it really means. But it sure makes a lot more sense now. And spiritual giftendess is not about us its about what God is doing in and through us. That has been an awesome thing to experience. I am very excited about what God has in store for me. I am still surrendered to His will in my life.

 

3. I do not have all the answers.... and even though some think that an Officer should, its simply untrue and unfair to assume ( any of us) that Leaders are "supermen or superwomen". We are all frail, weak and sometimes fragile vessels used by God for extraordinary tasks. When I dont know what to do in a certain circumstance I am not going to pretend that I do. Let me tell you what I will do... I am going to ( and am actually already doing this ) seek help from those who have gone before me, I am going to keep praying and waiting on God to do in me what is still needing to be done. ( he is not finished with me just yet) and I will also empower others into areas where I am not as skilled, so that the overall betterment for the situation is achieved.

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sometimes I feel like I have such a long way to go, some people re-inforce that in you dont they ? Bless them !!!!

Others get alongside you and speak into your life and encourage and dont diminish you.

 

So I want to be that kind of person.... I want to be one who adds value to others, someone who causes the status quo to be challenged and not someone who diminishes others or makes them feel worse about themselves. I may not have always been succesful in achieving this, but its my hope to change that for the better.

It doesn't mean I will always agree with those around me or even entertain compromise of personal values and axioms, but I am determined to live my life with purpose and meaning and for the Lord God, who has called me for His kingdom purpose. (* that in itself may put me at odds with some...sigh)

 

nevertheless, I will contiunue to work out my calling...

I will continue to strive for personal holiness of a high degree

I will continue to try to be obedient to my call

I will continue to tweak and adjust as time goes on, until I am in the best place ever..in "MY" life for "HIM".

My self view, will change.

 

Maybe yours needs to also.

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