Grief... Sadness... desperation.

In my quiet time today, I was drawn back to a very significant time in my life.

I was reading Mark 12.. around people jockeying for position in the crowd. Looking to be honoured and rise above others. 

 It took me back to when a group of us visited India for a mission trip a number of years ago, and how we were treated when we were in the presence of the local Salvos. 

In some ways it was very honoring...but in other ways it made me feel uncomfortable, being placed up front and “on show”.  

Anyway... our team had just arrived, and trying to catch up on jet lag and rest before we started our month long mission immersion experience where I was team leader.

2 weeks before this trip my dear dad had died and we had had his funeral in Perth and I had returned home to Melbourne, leaving my Mum alone. I was heart broken but felt like I should go to India nevertheless.

Thought I was going ok.

However that first night, after the smells and tastes of Indian food(I am not good on that stuff), tiredness and huge feelings of homesickness for me personally I was not in good shape. Add to that a bit of travel sickness from the back seat of the van we were in, well I went to bed and prayed and wondered whether or not I would be able to lead this team at all, seeing as I couldn’t seem to get to lead myself.

I was like this for a few days, ringing home helped me a little, but I was feeling a whole mixture of grief and abandonment and isolation, and just wanted to go home. I seriously wondered how I could possibly lead the group for the next few weeks.

It had come on me by surprise really, but I was in deep grief for my dad.

Even now as I write this, I miss him and mum so much... they are both in heaven now. These people gave me life and shaped me and my DNA is from them(and my God).....

Anyway...a few days later we kept going and were on the road to the North of the State, a fairly long drive I remember...  I learned to sit in the front, so there I was in the front of the bus, our Indian driver speaking small amounts of English.... and I had nodded off.

I had been praying for strength and peace that I might be able to do what had been asked of me for this trip by TSA.

And as we drove and I slept and others in the bus also slept... I was awoken by the driver pointing me to observe a sea eagle that was on a bridge as we approached it.   In my daze of waking I was surprised by the eagle...but more surprised by the driver who had no idea about me and the way in which God speaks to me...about and through the presence of eagles.

And in that moment God spoke to my heart saying all would be well for me.... That He was with me, That He would carry me, that He himself would sustain me and that I would get through.

It was a super special moment for me. The driver had no idea, but God and I did.

That’s how it has been my entire ministry life actually... God speaks to me through eagles, and in that time of utter despair He reminded me that He was with me, as He has reminded me again this morning. 

That in the middle of this desperate situation in the world ...He is with me, He is with us, and calls us to draw near to Him and be strengthened by His Spirit and allow the peace of God that passes any kind of understanding to lift and settle us.

I continued on that India trip, and we all started to do our work, and it finished well and I returned home obviously and knew that God had done a number on me that day in that bus with a man that knew nothing of the way that God spoke into my soul. 

But he (the driver) became a messenger of Jesus that day for me.

I pray that we each will find ourselves in the situation where we can be messenger for Jesus today and point people to the hope in HIM.