Losing Faith !!!

Yesterday I was directed to a podcast about an Australian senior chaplain who had lost his faith. I won't go into the details here, as it is his story not mine. Suffice to say, it was an interesting story to listen to and one that made me feel both sad as well as heightened around my own personal faith.

The need to protect myself from the battles that rage against my soul. The battles that rage against my beliefs and experiences in my spiritual life so far.

I noticed I haven't blogged much at all since starting on my new career path, could be because I have been incredibly busy getting myself into the role. Could be because I am learning so much I haven't had time to write it all down.

So tonight as I write these thoughts, I do so with  honest intent and with integrity of heart, that I will not cause others to stumble or question or feel threatened by my thinking.

My personal worldview has been challenged hugely since leaving TSA and joining AV. 

It's not a bad thing, it's a very good thing.  

I don't think it does anyone any harm for themselves, to take stock of their beliefs and habits and ideals and to determine ...

Actually  - who am I ?  

What do I really believe ?  

Have I had it wrong ? 

or Have I had it right all the way along so far ?  

To test the waters, to see if my life measures up to what I say I believe, or am I living a lie or living out the truth. My truth. Or someone else's truth ?

For me I did get to to a point a year or so back when I was checking out whether I was walking on the track that God would have me personally walk.  

I mean really, can His plans for our lives change over time ?  or is it just one thing forever and thats it ? 

I used to say things like:

"If I am wrong, about God, at least I have lived a reasonably good life and haven't hurt anyone along the way"

but I also used to say.... "What if I am right ? about God... and all this God talk has been right all the time ? "

I am not prepared to say that anymore,  each of us need to make up our minds about what it is we believe or don't believe then take the courage to live our lives based on those beliefs.  

            We really do see that all around us anyway don't we ?      The Ukraine situation tells us that.

So taking the words of  STING....

You could say I lost my faith in science and progress

You could say I lost my belief in the holy Church

You could say I lost my sense of direction

You could say all of this and worse, but

If I ever lose my faith in you

There'd be nothing left for me to do

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV

You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians

They all seemed like game show hosts to me

If I ever lose my faith in you

There'd be nothing left for me to do

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace

But every time I close my eyes I see your face

I never saw no miracle of science

That didn't go from a blessing to a curse

I never saw no military solution

That didn't always end up as something worse, 

but

Let me say this first

If I ever lose my faith in you

There'd be nothing left for me to do

(check it out here on YouTube .. https://youtu.be/7km4EHgkQiw

Now I don't really know if Sting was singing about God when he sings these words, however for me it kinds of sums up where I am at.

If I ever lost my faith In God I wouldn't know what to do.  truly I wouldn't .......

So the truth is, I don't intend on losing my faith.... there are plenty of things that distract and divide and confuse, however for me, there is a deep sense of truth way settled in my heart and soul that has been settled a very long time ago.

My intention is to nurture it.  To strengthen it. To develop it. To fuel the inner fire of my soul.

It is. not my intention to convince you that its my way or the highway...

No, you need to work it out for yourself and if you want to talk to me about my way... then I am more than happy to talk with you as well, but it won't be to try and convince you that I am right and that someone else is wrong. 

That's one of the things I have learned in this past 6 months ....

Faith can be defined in a number of ways...let me give you a few definitions:

complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

 strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof.

a particular religion

 Strong belief or trust  - I have faith in our leaders. 2 : belief in God. 3 : a system of religious beliefs : religion people of all faiths. 4 : loyalty to duty or to a person or thing The team's true fans keep the faith.

so whatever Faith you have..... don't lose it.  Keep your eyes high. Your heart pure, Your motives honest.

I will not ever turn my back on my God. 

I am convinced and persuaded and have been for a very long time. Whilst I have not always been victorious in living my life out as I think He wants for me, nevertheless, He has my heart and thats all there is to it.

I live a very different life these days and I love what I do and how I get to walk along side people and be a friend, to be a hope carrier...to be a listening ear and to walk with people through some pretty dark days. I can only do that because  I carry a light in my heart, called "faith".

(Faith in almighty God). If I ever lost it.. I would have no idea what I would do.