The Spiritual Experiences of my life. (Wondering about my Wandering) (It’s kind of Ripley’s…)

It’s always good to be reminded or to remember what God has done in your life.

Recently, I hit a bit of a low spot in my life.  Things had changed so much, it’s not that I had lost my way, it’s just that I was distracted by the “stuff” of my life.  

My ethics and values had been challenged and I was floundering a bit. The situation caused me to reevaluate my decisions and choices and it left me feeling all a bit empty and wondering around my wandering.  I was wandering, a little lost in the wilderness it felt. Life can do that to you, that is why we need solid foundations, strong values….values are what you fall back on when everything else seems to fall apart.

Recently, I was approached to participate in a prayer event at a local church, and it threw me, because I felt fairly weak and defeated myself at that time. Not in good shape. A bit of a lull in my spiritual journey.

So I declined, and explained why….

It was then that the person who was inviting me, reminded me of a story from my past that I had shared years ago with her. It was a bit of a rebuke really, not from her, but from the Lord Himself as He reminded me of what He had already done in my life and hadn’t finished with me, and wants to do even more in and through me.

So this blog entry today is all about what I can remember ….of what God has already done in and through and around me.  It is not a brag session about me, for who am I to brag. 

If it is seen as a brag session, then let it be about God and how good He is, how powerful and almighty He is.

Let it encourage you to pray and believe for big things from God in your life. As I again seek to remind myself of what God has already done ….

Here are a few things, that I can clearly remember…a brief summary of each event ( if you want more detail, please email me or make a comment with your name etc, I will get back to you.)

(A disclaimer: there have been many many times, when I have been tempted by the enemy, that these things never actually happened.  BUT they did and I clearly remember them for they built faith and trust and courage inside me.   I believe that greater things can still happen for us each if we trust God with our lives at the very deepest core of our being.)

Not in any specific order.

* When I was very young, our daughter, who was a little girl at that time, was struggling with all kinds of ear problems. I remember clearly the day I came home from my work as a youth pastor/worker, working with street kids in Perth, and our little one was in incredible agony. We took her to the doctor and he prescribed some antibiotics and informed us if this didn't work she would need surgery on her ear. I was on this journey back then, searching for spiritual meaning and we decided we would take her to the church and have her prayed for by our Pastors/Officers. I will never forget what happened in those moments. I sat with her on my knee, she couldn’t walk by then she had lost her balance and she just sat in my arms, as (Rod and Jen) prayed for her to be healed. It’s important to note, she had had just one tablet at that stage of the antibiotics….anyway as they prayed she started to wiggle and then she threw up,  I caught it mostly in my hand, (disgusting I know right ?) anyway after it had finished I went to the bathroom and washed and cleaned up  the mess and this lump of stuff was in my hand that took boiling hot water around 10 minutes to break down. I went back to the office where everyone was, and our little one was up running around the office. She was healed. Asking for food ….and doing normal things that she couldn’t do before. They prayed, God moved, and our little girl was healed.  (Outrageous and wonderful)

* Another time, I was having a prayer  and worship time in my lounge room in Perth. It was a very special time and I remember it as clear as a bell…. I was alone in the room kneeling at the couch praying, and I sensed the presence of another person in the room. Assuming it was Julie, I turned around and I couldn’t see anyone there.  I got up and just went into the bedroom where Jules was in bed,  I asked her if she had come into the room ? She said she did not. So weird, I went back to the lounge and went back to praying again.  Again I sensed this presence. And turned around again, and still no one there to be seen. I was a little freaked out about this, so I sat up on the couch and continued praying again, and again the presence of someone was in the room with me. I peaked a look and saw no one, but still felt this presence, it was then that I realized I was having a supernatural encounter ….I never wanted that time that night to stop. It was a visitation of the “most high kind.” And it blessed me to my very core of my being. My prayer life changed dramatically after that.

* It was around the time of the above events that I yearned for a deeper spiritual experience. I went down to the Mullaloo beach in WA to pray. It was around 8pm at night, it was dark except for the car park lights etc. and I was alone, no one else was there…  anyway I knew I needed to confess and repent of much and I did this, and emptied myself out of everything I knew that I had done wrong, and then I asked God to fill me with His Spirit.  I longed for the things of the Holy Spirit, whatever God wanted to do in me and through me. I felt overwhelming peace and joy. Finishing up I hopped in the car and drove the short 5 kms home… as I drove home I was so full of joy, I started to praise  God and a strange language started to come out of my mouth, I had no idea what it was, however I knew that I was praying in a  new language that God had put inside me. It was outrageous.  So very good. 

(I have 2 more experiences that I will share with you… there are many many more that still continue in my life to this day, but these 2 experiences were huge in my life.)

* In 1996, Julie and I commenced our ministry as Pastors/Corps Officers in a little town in Tasmania called Carlton.  It is situated on the Tasman Peninsula and it is a very isolated little town where TSA had planted a church and we had taken over as second generation planters. 4 months in, it was April 28th, a quiet Sunday afternoon, after church, and I received a phone call which would change my world view and life forever. A bloke had gone crazy at Port Arthur ( my area) and had killed dozens of people and TSA was requested to be present at the command centre to provide support for emergency services and media  etc. I was activated and sent as Chaplain on duty for that event with my team, who were there to provide meals support for a very long night ahead. I wont go into the tragic details of that other than to say it was scary, and as I drove to Port Arthur that Sunday afternoon, I remember feeling much angst. You will all know the event …it was one of the very worst in Australia history. Over the following weeks I was called on many times to revisit the area and spend time with people who were traumatized by this. ( who wouldn’t be) One day as I drove the back roads heading to the site, I remember praying …”Lord what am I suppose to say to these people “, I felt so very weak and inadequate… It was Gods response to me that blew me away… firstly He promised to give me the right words and then He gave me a sign of His presence…. 2 wedge tail eagles appeared next to my car, just hovering 20 meters off the ground very close to me.  I pulled over and just sat there watching them, and sensing God say to me I am with you, I will help you, I will always be with you…I felt my confidence rise (like an eagle) I felt like I had received eagle vision… and eagle courage to face whatever was coming my way.  It may sound weird to you, but for me, eagles have always shown up in my life since that day, when I am facing change, fear, or struggle, or looking for some sense of God in choices and decisions I need to make.  To this day, If I am facing “something larger than myself” an eagle inevitably will show up, just for a fleeting second, and God still speaks to me today through the presence of an eagle in my circumstance at that specific time. It is wonderful to be reminded of His presence in this way. I love it that God has done this for me…I don't worship eagles, but gosh they help me worship God when they arrive.

* This is not the only thing God has done for me, however this one will be the last one I share in this post. There was a time in my life when in Tassie that the supernatural encounters were incredibly big around us. so let me tell you about the angels on my car.

It’s a fairly long complicated story and some of my friends will know this story, as I have spoken it before. However I will give you a summarized version of what happened. One of my friends and colleague officers had an accident on his bike. He was tragically hit by a car near the Hobart Airport on a road that you had to take to get to the city from our home. On the day he was hit, that night, he was planning to lead a family in the Christianity Explained course to help them understand all about Jesus.   Needless to say Terry was in hospital in a coma. And he never did the course.  The next day, Terry died, and it was horrible for us all. Left me with many questions that took years for answers. Everytime I drove through that part of the road after that, I felt uneasy, sadly the chalk marks on the road were there for a very long time. As time went on, this family started to attend my church, and a conversation was had around whether they had ever eventually done Christianity explained. They said they had not, so I arranged a night to come to their place and do this with them.

When the day arrived I awoke very nervous and wondered whether I might also face  a tragic accident, (it’s a bigger story than what I can tell here.) well I prayed and God spoke to me that He would send angels to protect me. 

So when evening came, I got in my car, backed out of the driveway and started my journey to this families home, and there on the bonnet of my car sat two very large angels just sitting there. They were dressed in fighting armor.  I couldn’t believe what I saw. As I drove the 40 kms to this families home, I had to pass over that part of the road. As I approached it, the angels stood up on my car in a position of defence ….as I drove through the part of the road, and then when through it they sat down …and I continued my journey.

The night went well and this whole family gave their hearts to Jesus that night.  As I hopped back in the car to drive home, the angels were still there. All the way until I got home, and then they just vanished.

I will never ever forget that night, and as much as time has tried to convince me this never happened. It really truly did  and I praise God for His provision in my life. Yes there are questions, that I can never answer. and I am not sure I need to.

These are just some of the things God has done in my life over these past years of ministry and my spiritual journey and I hope by sharing these with you, you might consider putting your trust in Jesus and allowing Him to do greater things in your life also.

He loves you.  

Believe it or not.

* if you would like some assistance in how to follow Jesus, please comment or email me or facebook me etc and I will gladly help you to discover who Jesus is and can be in your life.

Haven’t done this in a while.

It’s not that I forgot to blog, but I forgot to blog ….. lol.

It’s been 2 years since my last blog and a lot has happened in my life since then, a heck of a lot.

Over the past years I have learned so much about myself, and so if you are interested to read about it and maybe even reflect upon your own life, its not a bad thing to often reflect, “audit” if you like, your life and decisions and choices.

A very long time ago I felt the call of God upon my life. It was a call into ministry as a Pastor/Officer in the Salvation Army. It was a call into helping people to find meaning and purpose… to find hope in God.  

It has never changed … it has involved leading people to find peace and hope, and I have never stopped doing that, even in my ministry within Ambulance Victoria, whilst it wasn't so evangelistic in its approach at AV, it nevertheless was the same inside me. And when I had the chance to speak about God, of course that is exactly what I did.

Having said that, a time eventually came when my values and ethics were tested to the degree in which I had to make a choice around those ethics and values and whether I would compromise that ….

and I would not compromise that. 

So after 50 years of working, I find myself unemployed….at an age where I have vast amounts of experience and a little bit of wisdom and some skills ….but also at an age where I am maybe, just maybe…too old for work. ( well not exactly as I have some things in the pipeline right now)

And so …soul searching, second guessing my decisions, worry about finances, concerns over my immediate future, and questioning the God stuff in my life and whether I have been disobedient to that calling, but also observing peoples view of me, and the associated pain that comes from feeling unvalued or unrecognized for all that you have already achieved. ( and there is much)

These things affect you… deeply. Well they have me. And I have had many sleepless nights, and fears and feelings of deep disappointment.

And then of course, the potential new roles arrive and you have to make a choice over what is best for yourself, and your family.

I am still pondering this.

So what do you do , when you find yourself in a situation like this ?

I cant tell anyone else what to do, but I can tell you what I did and am doing.

I never once stopped praying. I prayed every day for peace and clarity and for God’s direction in my life. I prayed that maybe God hadn’t finished with me just yet, and I know He has not.

I sought professional help from a psychologist and my GP to help me gain clarity and perspective. It was my psych, who reminded me to pray when I couldn’t sleep at night.

I talked it out with friends and family, and then I waited. I sensed that a time off work was needed and so no work for over 2 months.  But a few things have been achieved in that time, around home and in my personal life. A season if you like.

Let’s not underestimate  the pain of rejection, or being devalued, or unrecognized or feeling forgotten.

Don’t ever downplay what that is in your life, because for absolute certainty I can tell you that, the pain of these things goes very deep in a persons soul.

I am reminded of scripture that tells us not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. Yet I am also reminded that God sees me for who I truly am and not what others may think of me.

God is described this way as El Roi…The God who sees me, who knows me and who loves me with a love I can never truly grasp. 

The problem we humans have is we seek recognition, we seek approval and affirmation and we seek it from our peers. And when it doesn’t come, and it often doesnt, in my experience, then we tend to flounder in our own feelings of failure. Simply because others couldn’t seem to care for or affirm us.

If you feel like that ? This is common to many and certainly I have felt it…..which has caused me to ask God where are you, only for Him to respond by saying I see you, I know… I love you still.

Is it enough ? Well it should be ….and it needs to be.. truthfully though, we still seek to hear it from those around us as well.

So for me, as I start to see a way ahead, for my life and the next stage of my ministry. I pray that God will be pleased with me. That He can still use me, in these latter stages of my human life.

That God may be glorified in and through my work and life itself.

These are my thoughts about my life these days.

Can I ask you ? When was the last time you took stock of where things are at for your life ?

The choices you are making,  the decisions, the values and ethics you live your life by. ?

It might be a difficult thing to do, it was for me. 

And If I may…

Whilst I don’t know who actually reads this blog, at last count 82,000+ people have read my blog entries over the years, 

Can I attempt to remind you….that regardless of the ways in which you may have been hurt by the church, or by work colleagues, or family or friends…. God knows you, maybe even better than you know yourself.

You may feel that life is dishing up struggle and pain, and that the future doesn't look that super good.

God, “El Roi” is as close as a whisper away and if you will whisper to Him your need of Him and His ways in your life, He will add peace into your soul.

 And strength and courage into your being.

#justthevoiceofachaplain

It’s Sunday morning, Its raining and cold in Melbourne.

I went to church last night, which is my usual practice these days, so that I can enjoy downtime and a quieter Sunday morning.  After years and years of busy Sundays, it is nice to sit and be quiet and reflect and be renewed in my spirit.

Today I switched on the TV and watched some Christian worship media. Michael W Smith led the worship and it was super special touching my heart and mind.

The song Waymaker, which has become a favorite of mine during Covid , was being used…and the visuals behind the song reminded me of what he have just come through.

We who are still alive have weathered a huge storm.  We have come through a pandemic, which hasn’t yet petered out.

It reminded me of the harsh times we endured in Melbourne, 5km limits of movement, working from home, masks, no touching others, forced vaccinations ….and much more.  I am not criticizing it, just stating it.

I remember when I contracted Covid, early on I was terrified…. So many were dying around the world and I had fear…maybe you did also.

So here we are some years on, and things are starting to return to normal… I will have  my 5th Injection tomorrow, and hopefully will not contract covid again, even though I know many have had repeat doses.

It caused me to think deeply today as I watched the thousands of people worshipping God and singing along that God is a waymaker, a light in the darkness, miracle worker…. that is who He is.

Some don’t believe in Him at all, and that’s a personal choice, however I do believe and my hope is in Him.  I am not always the most brilliant shining light for Him, but my goodness, I believe, and my hope is that one day I will meet Jesus Face to face.

Do you remember still the dark days of COVID’s beginnings ?

The countless many who have passed from this life as a result of it .

I think we all are managing it differently these days than what we did in the beginning. And thats a good thing, however it reminds us just how temporary life actually is. 

We have an opportunity  to care for one another in many ways…wearing masks during a pandemic was one of those ways, washing our hands, frequently wiping down shopping trolleys …. Remember ?

We can still care for others ….a kind word, a friendly gesture, staying home if we are unwell. 

All things that everyone can actually do.

So… as I think about all of this and move forwards I want my life to be what God designed it to be. To be authentic, to be kind, to be a good listener and a caring person. To be approachable, to be helpful and not harmful.

To not judge others or be too harsh, to look for the good in others and to help them on their journey. We are all on a journey, and its up to us how we will live that out. 

These are just my thoughts as I reflect on my life this morning.

There are parts of my history which I really miss.  The huge days of leading church and preaching each weekend… about the love of God.  Don't really know sometimes what impact that had or didn't have, but it was what God required of me at that time, and there are moments when I miss that….  God has me on a different journey these days, and that is also good. 

I just want to serve Him and to please and honour Him.

He has not finished with me just yet…. And I don't think He has finished with you either.

You don’t have to be a Bible basher to be a follower of God. 

Just love others and Love Him.

Thats pretty much it.

#justthevoiceofachaplain

Episode 8.

You know, I am well aware that I have a lot to say on Facebook and here on my blog, and in some ways I apologise for that, but in other ways, I sense that God has called me to be a person of influence for HIM, in these ways and in other ways.

This morning  in my sacred space, I watched episode 8 of “ Faith Runs Deep” by Olive Tree Media and Karl and Jane. ( I am learning to love those 2..)  anyway…it was all about Chaplains.

So..if you are a chaplain or aspire to be one, you need to watch episode 8….and do it quickly.

In my role as the Senior Chaplain for Ambulance Victoria I work alongside some amazing people who do extraordinary work and face unfathomable situations…. Most of us would never know about. Or for that matter want to know about.

I also lead a bunch of people(chaplains) who have stepped up into the role of supporting these people. It is a privileged role and it is a privileged position, and I for one have no idea why any group would ever stop caring for people in such ways as walking alongside others with pastoral support and care when humanity faces such uncertain times.

I have struggled over the past year with various degrees of hurt and pain and also grappling with the Change of a calling which I thought would be until I died. But my calling is still there, it’s just the vehicle which has changed… and I feel so affirmed today by the words of Episode 8.

I cant believe how God is speaking to me these days…I love it.

If you are a Chaplain, God has positioned you for that…to drink coffee, to listen loads, to provide pastoral support, to offer love and compassion…to care when it feels like no other person does. And at times to talk about the spiritual stuff at hugely deep and personal levels.

You are a frontline servant in the Kingdom of God.  

In Episode 8, one of the guys speaks about “Fighting Mac”…a chaplain…in one of the world wars,  and I think a Salvo Chaplain at that… a legend, and servant of the most high God.   Just awesome.

It gets me thinking and maybe you also… What kind of a Chaplain will I be ? Who am I ? Is my identity tied up in that or my past ?   

Naaaaaaa….My identity is in God clearly, that is why I do what I do… and it feels to me these days, that I am being affirmed over and over again by Him…and that is mighty precious to my soul.

God sees my worth.

God sees my value.

God sees my heart.

God knows who I am and has placed His hand upon my life for Kingdom purpose.

And I love it…just sayin !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes its true I have not felt that from other humans so much, and that bit in life is often a very bitter pill to swallow, and no doubt there will be many others around me who feel the same way.  

To you, if that is you, I say to you, as I remind myself…. Seek Gods approval, seek Gods heart for your life, seek His ways, and if others dont like that…breathe a big sigh, and say… oh well, so be it, right ? 

The other day I received a prophetic word from a “chaplain” of all people ..(right..lol) it was that “God sees me and is pleased with me…”

Someone fairly quickly asked, in what right did anyone think that they would know that God is pleased with Gary Grant ?

Such an interesting question …however in my mind an also fairly ignorant question…. 

For when God speaks through prophecy that touches your heart deeply… who can question that…and who should ever dare to ?

You see our Kingdom journey is intimate and personal and will not always be understood. 

And God will choose a variety of means from time to time to affirm and edify and sometimes we, maybe even me, and maybe even you, will be used to speak a word of affirmation and encouragement to another, to bless and strengthen faith within their soul.

Thats the role of a Chaplain…YEP…. But it’s also the role of every believer …to position ourselves in such a way as to express mercy, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, love, self control, patience and a word in season.

These are huge days for me…. I love my new ministry, I love the opportunities I get …. There are times when I face extremely difficult circumstances and there are things I wish  I didn't have to deal with, but life is like that anyway…right ?   

When I prayed around 2 years ago for Gods direction upon my life and to help me understand my discontent, and He led my down this chaplaincy path… I never would have imagined that this is where I would be.  But here I am.  

And God is still the Lord of my life… and I have continued to choose to serve Him on the earth at this time of my life.

Well….these are just the words of a chaplain… 

one who happens to love and serve Jesus.

#justhevoiceofachaplain.

I love Lexie…she is a beautiful AV peer dog… and part of our team,

I get to work alongside the great team of dogs as well.

Love that bit as much as I love the people I work with.

A hand on my shoulder

 

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who was sharing with me the experience he had when on a long walking trek.

He had a guide who was with him on this trek who walked behind him gently supporting him, at times placing a hand on his shoulder and holding him and even preventing him from accidentally tripping or falling over.

As we discussed this experience my friend said to me, there were times when I didn’t sense his hand on me, however …as I think back the hand was always there even if I was not aware of it.

I love this story, and I love that my friend shared it with me.

As I ponder that amazing story, It caused me to think about Faith. 

And the hand of God upon my shoulder and maybe yours also, even if we are not always aware of it.

For the countless times when  I could have fallen or tripped up.

I asked my friend if I could share this story without mentioning names, and even making the spiritual connection. (He said it was ok btw)

Spirituality is about care, deep deep care…its about mercy, love, compassion, kindness and support, it is about the deep hidden places of the soul. 

It is about the secret unknown unshared places in the heart. It is about the unseen God who is present with us every second of every day.  Its about the secret pain, and feelings that only you and God know about.

The fact that He knows us by our name. That he knows all there is to know about us, even if we don’t even know Him yet. 

Its about a hand on our shoulder … not a hand of judgement or condemnation but a hand of care…of love and wanting us to be safe and find our way home.

I could say so much more about my conversation that day…. There were comments that were gold, I have huge respect for this man, and I would dearly love to tell you his name and what he does for a living. But suffice to say that this world is better for people like him, people who care deeply and who want the best for the fellow humans.

In my life these days, I ponder a lot of things… what could have been, what now is…what the future might look like, and the pesky little struggles that surround me from time to time.

And deep down, and maybe deep down in you also…there is a very real sense that I don’t walk the trek of life alone, I have a comforting hand on my shoulder helping me find my way home.

I love that…..  

also… it is about what kind of friend we might be to others around us… are we supportive, or undermining ? Are we a hand on the shoulder type support, or a hand in the middle of the back pushing someone down kind of person ? Have you ever thought about it ? About what kind of support you are to those around you ?

I reckon I have one friend from my previous role who has consistently shown support to me ….I get the phone calls, and invitations for a coffee, which I gladly accept, 

and I also try to phone him. Why wouldn’t I ? 

He has reached out to me, and has been faithful in doing so….. I truly value that. 

 I love that there are people who care, because of who they are and not what the other ( me ) has done. Or the choices I ( we ) have made.  

I want to be that kind of person.  One who provides a steady hand on a shoulder for comfort and care and support.  What about you ?  

I think placing a hand on a shoulder takes effort, it is deliberate …it is intentional, it is thinking of the needs of the other person. It is truly invaluable, especially if you are the one who could fall at any moment on the track.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

To my friend/s who share truth with me…thankyou, if you end up reading this.

You are a true hero and legend in my world.

Thanks for everything you do.

 

2022…. Lessons Learned.

During this past year I have been on an incredible journey of transformation and new understandings.

It came to a head for me last night in church, when I recommitted my heart to the cause of Jesus … some who may read this blog will not completely understand that, and thats ok, for it is a deeply personal thing for me.

 Others however, will get it completely and may even say “amen” in their heart and mind.

Living for something or someone is a high calling, many live for themselves and themselves alone. 

Some in this world have committed their lives to a whole gamut of causes and beliefs.  

A very good friend of mine at work says …its “ Brain Washing ”…my response to my dear respected friend is, there are a whole pile of people who could do with some washing of their brains.

We joke of course…but there is an element of truth in that…both ways …right ?

So …what have I learned this year ?  7 things amongst many other things unmentioned.

1. Gods ways may end up being very different to my ways and how I thought things would go for my life.

2. Some people push buttons in your life. I have learned a whole stack about that, and about myself.

3. People may abandon you, when you make a different choice for your life, than what they thought you   should be doing.

4. Character speaks louder than words. Behavior is just as loud.

5. You might not agree with what happens around you and how things are done, and at that point you will need to make a choice. Lead, Follow, or get out of the way. (Blogged about that before ) But its so true for me, - and for me, I made some good decisions in 2021/2022 around this very truth.

6. Hard things are asked at times ….God has proven enough for me in all of that. Sometimes its incredibly lonely. 

7. Caring for people is so important… even if they are not the same as me or don’t believe the same things as I do.  God wants me to care for people, and to create environments of care. Regardless of faith, belief, gender or sexuality.

There have been times over 2022 when I have needed to face some incredible trying times. 

Have I handled it perfectly ? Nope !!!   

Have I found my way through it ?  Yep !!!

Observing people and their behaviors ….. noticing when words match action, has been a huge thing for me to watch.  

When some have accepted my role, and others have not.

Being affirmed and applauded is good for the mind, isnt it ? 

We all want to feel like we belong and are valued….yet the  truth for me in 2022 is I have felt both,  and a very real sense that in some ways I don't actually belong anywhere right now. 

My faith journey this year has also taught me that for most of my life my identity has been found in  my title or my work. What I wear even forms a part of that.  

That isn’t really good thing.  

So throughout this year as I have endeavored to re discover who I really am,  I have sat…unnoticed ….not affirmed…hardly known by anyone, not recognized, at times a sense of feeling unvalued…. 

And there have been times of deep pain in my soul as I have gone through these times. 

Yet it was needed for me to find myself.  

Why I do what I do. 

Why I think like I do. 

And How and why I behave like I behave.

Some will never see the value in us, (me)  ….. some will wish we were not here, (you might even think that about me…lol) sorry… however on my journey of re discovery…..I have found again that God is my foundation and He is not finished with me just yet.  

He sees value in me.  He sees value in you also.

He knows what I am capable of, and has positioned me for His purposes…even if a vast load of people cant see that.

There have been times of double guessing myself… leaning towards the negative rather than the positive. 

And then there has been some absolutely outstanding moments, that have changed me forever.

So apart from all my ramblings, here is what I want to say to you…. 

It is so easy to fall for the trap that “we are” what other people say “we are” . That is not the whole truth, maybe in some ways a part of it is… But I think its also true that, I am who I say I am.  

What God says about me. !!!!

When you feel unvalued and unknown, that is not how God sees you or thinks about you.

Often times we base our whole being on what others think about us.  And unless you are hanging around with perfect people ( by the way there is no such thing ) then you  are most likely going to get hurt in this world, and for me, finding answers to those hurts…is one of the absolute keys to life itself.

I work with some amazing people who deeply care about the well being of their colleagues and the wider community in general.    They have taught me much about life, about having a laugh, and also having a cry.  I love the people I work with. They are real. What you see is what you get !

I love it that God has positioned me amongst them.  

I am looking forward to 2023…. And I am certain it will have just as many challenges as what 2022 has had.

I will keep praying ….. and believing for the best outcomes for those around me. And for myself and for my own family. 

What will 2023 bring for you ? 

I pray you find yourself …your own identity. 

The very intimate truth of your inner being, created with the finger print of almighty God Himself stamped upon you.

Losing Faith !!!

Yesterday I was directed to a podcast about an Australian senior chaplain who had lost his faith. I won't go into the details here, as it is his story not mine. Suffice to say, it was an interesting story to listen to and one that made me feel both sad as well as heightened around my own personal faith.

The need to protect myself from the battles that rage against my soul. The battles that rage against my beliefs and experiences in my spiritual life so far.

I noticed I haven't blogged much at all since starting on my new career path, could be because I have been incredibly busy getting myself into the role. Could be because I am learning so much I haven't had time to write it all down.

So tonight as I write these thoughts, I do so with  honest intent and with integrity of heart, that I will not cause others to stumble or question or feel threatened by my thinking.

My personal worldview has been challenged hugely since leaving TSA and joining AV. 

It's not a bad thing, it's a very good thing.  

I don't think it does anyone any harm for themselves, to take stock of their beliefs and habits and ideals and to determine ...

Actually  - who am I ?  

What do I really believe ?  

Have I had it wrong ? 

or Have I had it right all the way along so far ?  

To test the waters, to see if my life measures up to what I say I believe, or am I living a lie or living out the truth. My truth. Or someone else's truth ?

For me I did get to to a point a year or so back when I was checking out whether I was walking on the track that God would have me personally walk.  

I mean really, can His plans for our lives change over time ?  or is it just one thing forever and thats it ? 

I used to say things like:

"If I am wrong, about God, at least I have lived a reasonably good life and haven't hurt anyone along the way"

but I also used to say.... "What if I am right ? about God... and all this God talk has been right all the time ? "

I am not prepared to say that anymore,  each of us need to make up our minds about what it is we believe or don't believe then take the courage to live our lives based on those beliefs.  

            We really do see that all around us anyway don't we ?      The Ukraine situation tells us that.

So taking the words of  STING....

You could say I lost my faith in science and progress

You could say I lost my belief in the holy Church

You could say I lost my sense of direction

You could say all of this and worse, but

If I ever lose my faith in you

There'd be nothing left for me to do

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV

You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians

They all seemed like game show hosts to me

If I ever lose my faith in you

There'd be nothing left for me to do

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace

But every time I close my eyes I see your face

I never saw no miracle of science

That didn't go from a blessing to a curse

I never saw no military solution

That didn't always end up as something worse, 

but

Let me say this first

If I ever lose my faith in you

There'd be nothing left for me to do

(check it out here on YouTube .. https://youtu.be/7km4EHgkQiw

Now I don't really know if Sting was singing about God when he sings these words, however for me it kinds of sums up where I am at.

If I ever lost my faith In God I wouldn't know what to do.  truly I wouldn't .......

So the truth is, I don't intend on losing my faith.... there are plenty of things that distract and divide and confuse, however for me, there is a deep sense of truth way settled in my heart and soul that has been settled a very long time ago.

My intention is to nurture it.  To strengthen it. To develop it. To fuel the inner fire of my soul.

It is. not my intention to convince you that its my way or the highway...

No, you need to work it out for yourself and if you want to talk to me about my way... then I am more than happy to talk with you as well, but it won't be to try and convince you that I am right and that someone else is wrong. 

That's one of the things I have learned in this past 6 months ....

Faith can be defined in a number of ways...let me give you a few definitions:

complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

 strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof.

a particular religion

 Strong belief or trust  - I have faith in our leaders. 2 : belief in God. 3 : a system of religious beliefs : religion people of all faiths. 4 : loyalty to duty or to a person or thing The team's true fans keep the faith.

so whatever Faith you have..... don't lose it.  Keep your eyes high. Your heart pure, Your motives honest.

I will not ever turn my back on my God. 

I am convinced and persuaded and have been for a very long time. Whilst I have not always been victorious in living my life out as I think He wants for me, nevertheless, He has my heart and thats all there is to it.

I live a very different life these days and I love what I do and how I get to walk along side people and be a friend, to be a hope carrier...to be a listening ear and to walk with people through some pretty dark days. I can only do that because  I carry a light in my heart, called "faith".

(Faith in almighty God). If I ever lost it.. I would have no idea what I would do.