ICO 5 - Something is up !!!!

I cant help but wonder, what is next in my life. I sense something, but am unsure exactly what. I am unsure whether its a new call, a revived one, or that God is laying before me the possibilities of His (new) plans for my life. But something is happening deeply inside me.

I am not alone, other delegates are also expressing similar thoughts.

It's obscure I know... and I can't actually articulate it, very well...but something is going on, something is up in my spirit.

I am excited by what I feel, please remember this blog is just an opportunity for me to get my thoughts out and feelings out in some kind of blog-o-sphere, so that I can vent for myself... and not think too deeply about what is going on in my world. ( which mind you there is a fair bit right now)

Let me try and express it...

It started yesterday when we were discussing world evangelization and where the Army is and isnt in the world, and where it could be started.

Today it continued with Servant Leadership discussions ..... and seeing an awesome man of God speak truth with humility and power, without arrogance of position. With authority and strength yet without communicating that he was supposedly better than the rest of us.

One of my key goals for ICO was to reclaim my calling, to re establish who I am in Christ and what He called me to be and do, and I have been taken back in my spirit to when the call first came and I have already re -established it, owned it again, and its really good.

The passion and purpose for which I am called (and was called) has also been re-established and revived and I am feeling a whole pile of blessings and new resolutions in my heart.

 

I have made some amazing friends here, and as we share together our thoughts and fears as well as our hurts and tears, it has been a healing time for us.

The ICO experience has been a gift into my soul, I will never be the same again.

 

I did not ask to come to ICO, I was sent, and truthfully didnt really want to come, but how wrong was I.

God is having His way in my life and I welcome it and surrender my life to Him again in that.

I am feeling peace I havent felt in years.

I am awake to what God is saying.

I am believing for miracles.

I am sensing that something large ( larger than me) looms on the horizon of my journey.

I am also aware of my shortcomings, and failures and weakness, and in it and through it, I am being made strong once again.

I am aware of the distractions and attempts of the enemy upon this new found awakening, and know he is trying to destroy my faith and belief and hope. I will not allow that to happen.

* (thankyou Melissa for reminding me of that)

Something is up...Yep..and its good.

I Cant wait to see it " all " become visible in my life and ministry.

 

 

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ICO 4.... (what a day, today turned out to be)

( yes I know I am blogging a lot, but there is a lot happening in me... everyday something new)

This morning we split up into 3 groups and went to worship at 3 different corps/churches around London, our group went to a very small corps near Heathrow airport, and whilst it was very small... we were blessed in many ways by the sincerity and authenticity of worship in that place. Actually I loved it. Uncomplicated, Innocent, Simple and Plain..... ( just 27 people present including 9 of us from ICO)

.......

This afternoon at ICO we gathered together with General John Larsson and Commissioner Freda Larsson, and we were ministered to by them and God the Holy Spirit.

For me it was incredibly special for many of these songs written by General John Gowans and General John Larsson, have helped shape me over the years in my spiritual life and calling.

We sang songs today that were written by these Army greats, and I was once again touched by God in very deep ways, ways I cannot really adequately explain here.

Alongside my new friends, we worshipped together, singing "They Shall come from the east they shall come from the west and sit down in the Kingdom of God" and thats what we were in fact doing.

30 something countries.

I dont think I expect everyone who reads my blog to understand, but as a young guy growing up in Perth W.A and being a part of much of this music in my formative years, it reminded me again so hugely of my Call into Officership, it was truly very hard to sing some of these songs today. (without tears that is...)

Songs such as:

" Burning Burning", "For the mighty moving of the Spirit", "Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb", "Then how much more",

and I will state two other songs for they are very special to me and for those I love dearly around me ...its a prayer for you today... ( seriously, to those I hold dear, and you know who you are... this blog has been posted really for your benefit and my love for you, such deep love, impossible to describe and explain, my love for you causes me to tear up, every time I think of you)

......

I have been touched the Holy Spirit today...

take a listen here...

http://m.famousfix.com/videos?v=dXdsMlaClUQ....

and then this song...

" Someone Cares "

Do you sometimes feel that no one truly knows you, and that no one understands or really cares ? Through His people, God Himself is close beside you, and through them He plans to answer all your prayers.

Chorus: Someone cares, someone cares, Someone knows your deepest need, your burden shares, Someone cares, Someone cares, God Himself will hear the whisper of your prayers

Ours is not a distant God, remote unfeeling, Who is careless of our loneliness and pain, Through the ministry of men he gives His healing, in their dedicated hands brings hope again.

As I sang these songs today, written and produced by the man that wrote the tunes for these songs, I was rushed back to memories .... of countless times of worship in my home church of Perth Fortress where as we played and sang these songs, often I found myself at the mercy seat in dedication, confession and repentance. Remembering these times caused me to reflect greatly on my present day heart condition and just how I am going with the dedication of my life for His service.

You know just before I came away to ICO someone made a comment on my Facebook page that ICO was a waste of time and money. I was sad to read that comment, and I can truthfully say, this is no waste of time or money, for my life is being redeemed all over again, as I know it is for all the delegates in this session 224.

Thankyou Jesus ... for never being distant to me, for always hearing my prayers, and for caring deeply for me and my family ....and never failing in that ever.

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ICO 3

A few things are happening within me at the moment, one of them is the incredible feeling of inadequacy as well as unworthiness.

The ICO experience and journey is now 11 days into a 40 day process. Today we had a day off and I had chance to just be alone and ponder myself, and what God is doing inside me, and I am pleased with what God is doing in me. It needs to be done.

The truth is I feel a whole pile of things, some will be completely misunderstood if I mention them, but for this blog to make sense I need to mention them....

I am called to be an Officer in The Salvation Army, this has been reinforced in and confimred again in me and I needed that. In previous years, this has been knocked around a bit, I dont know why I allowed that to happen, but it did.

My Calling is key in my life, and whilst not everyone around me understands that, or agrees with my style of ministry and passions and thoughts and methods, my last 18 years or so of ministry have proven a few things, but also... I am being reminded that God is still Calling me to His Work and the enemy of the Cross is trying his darndest to destroy that Calling, and distract me and divide my spirit and life purpose.

I sense that the way things are currently may not remain the same. I am excited by what I see here in London. I am excited by what I see in other Officers who are doing ICO with me from all around the world,reminding me that the Ministry and work of this great Salvation Army with in excess of one million soldiers worldwide is vastly different to what I have already experienced so far in my life. With huge massive growth occurring in Africa these days... nearly 40% of our soldiers are in Africa...

well all I can say Lord, do with me what You will and where you will it to be.

When you ( I ) go through what I am going through you become aware of the frustrations and failures that a person can go through. When people choose to stay stagnant and stifled and stuck, it is incredibly frustrating when you see other places and people just going off - for Jesus. And you once again realize that you still have such vast spiritual distance to travel. I do. I am pleased to recognise and ackowledge it.

But I have also observed that some cant see it in themselves, and then are critical of others...complaining when things dont go their way, or their apple cart is rattled. This too is not acceptable. This is a generalised statement that I have observed over 19 years of ministry.

I still feel that The Salvation Army was raised by God for specific purpose.

We are Called to be His people, to be a people who Pray... Worship... read the Bible... and these things are paramount before anything else.

When you are praying with officers from all around the world in a worldwide prayer meeting, it doesn't leave you the same.

I dont ever want to go back to what I was.... ever !!!!

There are a few things I am going to reclaim for my life and ministry, it is in process already and God is doing it in me.

I am excited... but at the same time fearful, that I could just slip back into the routine and go back to where things have been in the past.

I am on a huge journey, and in some ways it is very painful, as spiritual surgery is being done in my heart at the moment.

..... tbc......

 

 

 

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ICO 2

It feels like I have been here a lot longer than one week. In fact the ICO only started on Wednesday last week, so its not even yet a week... but in that (almost)week, I have made some friends, that it feels like I have known for a very long time.

The truth is, there is a very strong bond that ties us together, we are all like minded, having similar interests and most certainly the key thing... is our love for Jesus. There are 33 of us plus 2 translators and staff, we come from all around the world. None of us asked to come, we were sent.We all recognise our privilege. We all are humbled by our opportunity.

........

Yesterdays Worship service and then combined prayer meeting at night was indeed very special. Worshipping alongside Officers from all around the world in single minded purpose, but with multiple languages, and then witnessing and sharing in a deep time of recommitment and prayer was just out of this world. It was so very special to me.

So, the experience continues. I have set for myself some goals to re-establish a few things in my life, and I am on track... Books (reading) are being finished, and I am learning heaps. My other goals are also on track.

I love it that God is at work in my heart, speaking directly into my spirit ( no doubt He is for others also) and I am being sharpened. I sense Him - Very close.

This morning in our worship, some of my favourite Australian worship songs were used, and it was just so good.

I love it that God never let's you go, and even if you let Him go, or allow yourself to be diminished or defeated, or distracted by the circumstances of your own life, He just keeps wooing you back.

One thing I have learned about myself, is that over the past years there has been a diminishing, I have been defeated in some ways... there has been some distraction.... I have been hurt, I have allowed some things to get under my skin, and I can truthfully say...that my journey back is in full swing.

As is said in my first ICO blog, I have a long way to go.

We all do.

Everyone on the earth is on this journey, and one day we will see Him face to face, and oh what a day that will be.

I think its real important to remember that we are all on this journey, lest we start filling our hearts with pride thinking we are better than someone or everyone else.

The key, eye's wide open, heart wide open, ears wide open, focussed on Jesus.

He is my goal.

 

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ICO 1

This is the first of a few blog entries I may make recording my time at ICO: There wont be any set order or day of blogging, just when I feel led to. ( this may end up being the only entry )

I know there are a few curious people about my facebook status entry last night..

so here it is: ( just to embarrass myself some more) -

we had a great meal with the Zonal commissioners and the Chief of Staff, were now in a meeting in the Chapel, we had our introductions of who we were and where we came from... done some worshipping, and praying and the Chief of the Staff ( No 2 Salvo leader in the world) is up and preaching. I am sitting second row, and start to feel nausea and clammy and feel I am about to ether chuck on the floor, or faint on the floor, either of which would be most unsatisfactory.... the room is stuffy, we are all in full blues, its cold outside but really hot inside and I am gone, so I just have to get out of the room ...meaning I need to excuse myself in front of the Chief, while he is preaching in front of the whole group(50 people)so out I go, disrupting the whole group, and missing out on the opening sermon, message... for our group, so annoyed, so frustrated and embarrassed as well as feeling a little ripped off.

So Yep...thats what happened....

I awoke today, feeling ok, a little headache, but I want the best out of this experience.. for me, I need it.. I need to be spiritually replenished and renewed and refreshed, I want that for my life.

so the blog today is all about humility and the way in which God is leading me, personally... its deeply personal. I am being helped by the book " The Resilient Life " ( G. McDonald) here are some thoughts about what resilient people look like:

• They prepare themselves for the "emergencies" of life.
  
• They know exactly what has to be accomplished.
  
• They keep themselves physically fit.
  
• They grow their minds.
  
• They harness their emotions.
  
• They trim their egos.
  
• They open their hearts to the presence of God.
  

I have a huge long way to go, But again today I ask God to do in me, what only He can do... I fear at times that I may never make it... for the distance I still have to travel is so far and so great. My one hope, and the last straw I clutch on to, is that My God is faithful and long sufferring, that He is merciful and full of grace and that He loves me with such love that I can never fully comprehend or understand, that even though I am a sinner, He wont let me go ever.

and as for the list above, well...my personal goal is to start doing these things, to allow God to do in me, what only He can do, to shape me, I am not the best perfect leader that ever walked the planet, I know it...

I also know my weakness and failures...

But today I choose to get back up, and see what God wants to say to me today and do in me today.

so as we approach our second full day here, I am open ...my heart is open, my ears are open, my eyes are open, my spirit is open..

and hopefuly my flesh wont faint in the process today...

YEP....I am weak, but He is strong.

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